Train folk

Public transport is a very strange place, especially when you're in a routine and tend to be on the same service every day. I say service, I use Arriva so service isn't a word they're familiar with but stay with me.

Most people get into a real routine, myself included, I generally sit in the same place every day (on the way there, the way back is a nightmare) and more often than not, the same people sit around you. I occasionally vary and if someone, some... non regular is in my space it's no big deal. However, I have seen people with genuinely no idea what to do if they can't sit where they always do. Panic stricken looks the works. Got to love a routine!

For all intents you spend at least an hour sat round the same people, weekday in weekday out, but chances are you will have never have said a word to them. it's quite odd.

After a while you start noticing if people aren't there, even though you don't even know their name. For example, the guy who is the most conversational, with himself, on the whole train hasn't been on this week. I do find myself wondering why! Not that I'm overly gutted there's a nutter missing, but you notice these things.

It gets more... odd (for lack of a better word) when you pass one of these people out of context. By that I mean, not on the train. There's a moment of mutual recognition, as if, oh ait, I know him/her. Then a realisation... wait no I don't. By which time awkwardness has already occurred.

To be fair it's not always like that. Many months ago I left my bright white headphones (classy!) on the train, I was unaware of this until the following morning back on the arriva express. But before I could moan, whine or whinge a guy, who I recognised as detailed above popped his head round the seat, headphones in hand. Hero!

Still don't know his name though, but he is sat, at this moment in the carriage in front of me!

Train folk are also a very diverse bunch, yesterday for example a somewhat robust guy sat next to me who basically then squashed me against the wall of the train using nothing but the size of... him. Today? I have a Chinese student listening to Daft Punk songs while an older lady reads Dan Brown almost sat on his lap...

Of course all this only applies to the mornings, in the nights the shambles that is arriva crams you into the smallest space possible, then gets you home 15 mins late. Suppose the standing is good for your legs though.

What a moron!

And for once the carrot in question is me! I forgot to 'publish' this Friday so read it from the context of that day!

I stroll onto the bus this morning (Friday) brandishing the weekly 'Megarider Gold' ticket Stagecoach peddle me for more than it's worth each week. To my knowledge there's no MegaRider Silver, I think the name may just be pointless fluff to make them sound better than they are when 'Weekly' would suffice. I hold up, the same ticket I've been using all week, and the soon to retire (by the looks of him) bus driver calls me back, points out the back that the ticket expired some time ago.

Pointing it out is fine, but this old nob end decides to speak to me in a way I'd be embarrassed to speak to Gracie in. Bet he didn't consider the literally 9 hits this blog would get. Ha who's stupid now. Actually there may have been more people in the queue behind me than that...

I stand there confused, convinced that I bought it on Tuesday, but unable to deny the fact the ticket has indeed expired. With insufficient funds upon my person to get a ticket I'm forced off the bus and begin searching my stuff for the correct ticket. I was there Tuesday, I remember buying it. But the bus leaves as I head to a cashpoint to get ticket money.

Upon my return to the bus station i get a thought, an idea, just in the back of my mind. Where did I see a bus ticket? Open the front pocket of my faithful Targus backpack (with cushioned section for the very netbook that brings this blog to you) and low and behold, stoke the fucking crows, boil a bastard geordie, there is is all flat and shiny and expiring on 21/5.

Ha, fuck you old codger, told you I had one.

100th Blog Post!

So, according to my dashboard thingy, this piece of text constitutes my 100th blog post. I think it's quite safe to assume everyone guessed that from the title. It's pretty certain I've written a few more than that, including some I've discarded as being rubbish (oh yes, even worse than some of the tripe I've clicked publish on, imagine how bad they were!), I distinctly remember one I wrote in borderline anger and then deleted before I accidentally clicked said publish button, but this is number 100 that is publicly viewable and at least, and possibly at most, 4 people will read.

I'll be honest, I expected nobody on this planet to read the crap that I decided to type in, typically on dodgy public transport (bus has only hit 1 curb this morning and slammed on breaks once, good day, but then again we're only half way there) or when I couldn't sleep at some god forsaken hour in the morning. (Just hit 2nd curb, a roundabout approach too!). But it hasn't been the view free zone I expected, I'm not going to pretend I get thousands of hits, as obviously I don't, it's a personal blog and a shoddily written one at that. But I've had a couple of thousand and I'm quite happy with that! (No, that doesn't include me looking at my own, it doesn't count that).

I've used it to air a couple of short stories I've written, I have more but lack the nuts to make them public, I also have a longer one I haven't finished, but let's be real, chances are it's crap and I'm pretty damn sure it'll never see the light of day. Actually thinking about it I doubt I'll ever actually finish it, probably for the best! If anyone wants to see a story so far version... tough.

I've used it to vent opinions, I've used it to rant (usually fair enough I'm sure most people will agree, I do enjoy a good 'go-off-on-one' but someone has to wind me up first), I've used it to try n be funny. For the next 100 posts, if I get that far, chances are I'll do exactly the same.

I will publish the script, along with a link to the video of a recent presentation myself and a colleague wrote in the style of star trek, it was highly classy. It's on youtube now (Star Trek - Revenge of the Tribbles) but It'll be better all in one place I feel. I'll get a copy later.

I'll leave you with a proper blast from the past, here be a link to the first thing I ever posted. I steal from Red Dwarf, Anchorman and have a dig at facebook (setting the pattern early then). Not exactly inspiring and the 2nd post was better and I've been much funnier since... on a relative scale (3rd curb and a sharp brake). But it brought a cheesy grin back to me face for a second:

http://andrewdrisc.blogspot.com/2010/09/end.html

You stay classy Internet.

My beloved netbook and me...

...we go everywhere together. But on times we don't half get some strange reactions.

We live in a very technological world, I'm pretty sure the non Amish readers I have would agree with that. Amish readers... you appear to be cheating, you better go...

However, despite this the sight of me slipping out my black sleeve and getting my little red one out incurs at best some funny looks, at worst some disdain! The people them selves can be put into one of a few categories:

• The over the shoulder reader - as if I'm up to something so interesting that they just have to see it. I have absolutely no idea what they're hoping to find on my screen, but as a general rule I'm assuming they leave disappointed. In a mild variation of this an OTSR has once been reading something I was producing, and was never intended to actually see the light of day (he seemed quite interested so maybe it's not all that rubbish) and decided to give me a grammar tip on the last bit I typed. Which I took and said thanks, as he was right.

• The WTF is that?? - I'm sure laptops, netbooks, tablets, kindles etc have been around for quite a time now, but still on occasion you'd swear we were in a cave and I just pulled a lighter out of my pocket and produced fire. These people tend to be older, as you'd expect, but to them the idea I can look on twitter (not that they'd probably know what twitter was) on my lap on the bus boggles their mind. I mean honestly, where's the wires!! If it was their day, and let's face it, their day was quite some time ago now I'd be trying to type this while tied to a stake on the village green, about to get a wicked tan.

• The mine is bigger than yours - On occasion the sight of my little friend sends some people flying into backpacks, holdalls etc and has them dragging out whatever device they are also carrying. For some people I've served as some kind of reminder, like an alarm clock for 3G, that they have something with them. For others it almost seems like I've laid down a challenge, as if I've gone, "Hello stranger on the bus, my nob is so big, let's see if you can top that bad boy." I've seen kindles, ipads, various android devices, fellow netbooks, laptops, even all of a sudden a spike in those HP pieces of crap that were sold off cheap and once, and I remember this, a brand new in box xbox 360 elite. The guy then proceeded to open the box and.. stroke it, that's the only way I can describe it... he stroked it. Once again, sometimes people simply use them, others they are almost like a geek off weapon, screens are tilted towards me to give me the chance to show my respect at the geek altar. Please just leave me alone!

• The conversation starter - These are the worst, particularly if they are sat next to you. I always dread hearing, "Oh what's that?" or, "Excuse me is that a Packard Bell Dot netbook." Now before I go any further, I'm an introvert, and a pretty severe one, I struggle in large groups or when weirdos some straight on to me, but I'm not (usually) rude, so I feel some need to respond, at least at first. But I really don't want to have a conversation about what version iTunes I'm running, if I know I can update the firmware on the graphics chipset, if I suffer from overheating after prolonged use (a little, but nothing drastic, there now never ask me again), battery performance through the years, or the relative speed of my 3G dongle compared to the 3G capabilities of an iPhone or iPad. (all of which have been real conversation I've experienced in the years of commuting with a computer). Headphones, usually the barrier between me and various people I don't want to speak too (works lovely on charity collectors in the street) are no boundary, to the point where hand gestures are used to gain attention, and once some dick puled out one of the headphones and said, "Ahh I didn't think you could hear me...".

• The suspicious mind - Some people think the Internet is for 2 things only, facebook and porn. Due to this some OTSR people check what I'm doing as opposed to being interested in reading it, they think they should make an assumption based on it. When my first reaction of the day isn't to open Facebook, they make the logical step too... porn, and assume that's where I'm headed. I've had people look at me in disgust and then look quite apologetic when the ATP site turns out to be the 'Association of Tennis Professionals' not 'Ass Tits and Poontang'. I've even one respectable looking gent get up and sit somewhere else before I've had chance to put my password in... on two separate occasions. Maybe he was allergic to red start up screens and championship manager?

There are normal people who realistically don't give a crap what I'm doing as long as it doesn't bother them, and kudos to these people. I like to think when netbook-less either by choice, battery or forgetfulness, I'm one of those people. I hope anyway, I'm weird enough as it is...

Oh and apologies to the eels for the title.