Star Wars cash in

The first three Star Wars films are excellent, there's no getting round that in my eyes, they rank as one of the best film trilogies ever made and at the time they came with the appropriate levels of merchandise for the kiddies to want to buy (and if they kept hold of in good condition put on eBay for the ubergeeks to pay good money for now), I've no problem with that at all.

My problem is with the continual whoring out of everything Star Wars related to buy George Lucas another golden nob stroker (or something similar). The man, or indeed his marketing department, never seem to miss an opportunity to make just a little for cash from the franchise. Did we really need 3 sub-standard more films 16 years after the original trilogy reached it's natural conclusion? No. Did we need VHS box sets all slightly different to the previous, followed by DVD box sets, once again several versions slightly differing from the last? No. Thank the lord there's only been the 1 Blu-Ray version... SO FAR, there'll be more, there'll be an added scenes version and a 3D version and a 3D version with added scenes and the version with the out take included that has Carrie Fisher farting as she runs down a corridor...

There's the 3D cinema reissues, I'll pass on them thanks George, you do know a piece of shit... in 3D is still a piece of shit, it's just in 3D... Maybe when you get to episodes 4-6 I may, but until then, F.R.O.

Some of the things that have been done to these films is horrible, I'm not just talking about the "Noooooo" added to Jedi to match the piece of shit trilogy. What about in Star Wars when Han meets Jaba in Mos Eisley, it was cut, and then due to the future design of the Hutt character the scene no longer worked, so why wedge it in with awful effects. For those who don't know Han walks round Jaba, who at the time didn't have a tail, but when added back in, he would have, so Han steps on it and he yelps weirdly. No, stop it.

That brings me to the current Vodaphone adverts. Now previously C3P0 and R2D2 where used as bitches in some electric shop advertising campaign. Not happy, I think it was Comet or Currys. That was rough and the feedback I assume as negative, so why the fuck is Yoda, grandmaster motherfunking Yoda getting bitched out to promote Vodaphone services? The line has been crossed, the line is a dot to Lucas (or appropriate person who ok'd it). They won't rest til Mark Hamill is selling tampons on the back on London buses, Chedwbacca is doing pet shampoo and Wedge is selling his own brand potato wedges.

But he won't stop, he'll never stop it, what happens when the income dies down from these re-issues and the cartoon finishes? Does he re-issue again, probably. Does he make episodes 7-9? I really wouldn't be shocked. Does he rent some other CG cast member out to sell anything as long as the company are willing to pay? Inevitably.

The only time I'll accept this is if JaJa fucking Binks is used to sell rifle scopes, I'll be first in the queue for a go at that bitch.

May the 4th be with you

That's right everybody, it's Star Wars day!

This time as well for some added pointlessness there's been some kind of countdown to the day on starwars.com, indicating some new announcement. Please God don't be any more films.

But does Star Wars deserve this kind of attention? For a start I'm a fan of the first 3 films, and by first I mean initial, parts 4, 5 and 6. All except 6 are older than I am, but there is still something about them that makes them classic films, if I had to choose I'm more of a trek than a wars fan, but you can't deny the quality here.

Then there's the prequals... why? Apart from the last half hour or so of the third an absolute waste of time. I mean honestly, what the fuck is jaja binks? (or however you spell it).

I do feel over the years the franchise has been pushed to absolute breaking point, the new films were blatant cashing in on popularity, and as a money making exercise they worked. The original films have been reworked and changed and remastered and god knows what so many times, banged in a box and released it just leaves a bitter taste on times. Yes, that includes the Family Guy efforts.

And now this announcement today, if there is one, what is it? Remake? More films? I hope not!More cartoons, more likely. Some crap remastered new boxset, seems most possible. Either way can't see me buying it. But it probably will be what ever Lucas thinks he can make the most money out of at the moment.

I just hope (a new hope, get it??) he starts seeing it as a body of work not a cash point. Although I don't begrudge Mark Hamill the cash as he never really worked again did he. Poor bloke, especially when you think Harrison Ford did so well.

Sequels

Having a scan through wikipedia this morning, as you do, and I came across the distressing news that the sequel to the masterpiece "Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog" has all but been cancelled! It's officially been put to the back burner while Joss Whedon works on the 2012 Avengers 3D film. Avengers?? Seriously?? I know what I'd rather he makes, but money talks I suppose even for geeks like Joss. I've always thought the vast majority of marvel/dc/general superhero films have been pants and this wont be any different, and unless Fillion/Day/Harris are going to Dennis Waterman the theme tune, I'm just not interested.

Usually I'm dead against sequels/remakes/reissues etc, they have their place and on occasion can be great (Back to the Future, Aliens) but so much of the time are rushed cheap pieces of cash in crap (Starship Troopers 2, The Ring 2, Caddyshack 2, Scary Movie anything). The only thing worse is hopeless cash ins on the same material, this brings me to one of the biggest culprits and the person who made think up all this rubbish, George "I love jar jar" Lucas.

Now the reason I didn't mention Star Wars in either of the above lists is simple, it's both! The 'first' 3 films amazing, the 'second' lot of shit was an insult to my eyes (apart from the last hour of episode 3). The news broke yesterday that he must need some new UPVC windows put in on Skywalker (seriously get over it) ranch so guess what's coming out again... Star Wars, all the way from 1-6 starting with the crap and fighting it's way through to the good, only this time...wait for it... I'm building up pointless tension as everyone has no doubt already read it... in 3D. Ever wanted to really get a good look at Mark Hamills scarring? Ever wanted to get so close to Wedge you'd be the one telling him to cut the chatter? Ever wanted to get so close to Binks you it feels like you could destroy him? No? Me neither. Well maybe the last one. It's another hopeless cash in and I don't like it!

Over the years I've bought the Videos, the widescreen videos, the special anniversary edition remastered DVDs, I've paid money to watch in the cinema (eps 1-3, how old do you think I am??). Now good old George wants me to pay the cinema cash plus 3D supplement again, then no doubt buy the special edition DVDs. The only 3D Star Wars I ever want to see is the 3 minute segment from the Family Guy episode, and I already have that on DVD too! FFS.

It's not just him, only a few weeks ago a friend emailed me to ask if I wanted to go see Avatar that night in the cinema. Now I saw Avatar when it was in first, yes Pocahontas in space it was, but it was a damn good Pocahontas in space, and the 3D element really helped it along, overall well done, enjoyed it. But this was the special edition, sit through all 2+ hours again, but this time with about 9 mins of extra CG shagging added. Ummm no thanks. A perfect example of cashing in.

Tomorrow Back to the Future is out in cinemas again. Back to the firigging Future FFS,  a remastered special anniversary edition too. Will the slightly tarted up graphics help the film, did the film even need any help, it's a work of art, a masterpiece. Will I go see it... yeah probably.... Well it's only it's first reissue, and I don't have them all on DVD...

God I'm such a hypocrite on times.