Disney star wars?

My love of the Star Wars film has long since faded. Not due to the quality of the original trilogy, but more due to the constant reissue and amend, the 3 prequels that were made with the sole purpose of buying George Lucas a new gold cock ring (or something), and indeed the very poor quality of these films, there's what 30 mins watch able out of however long they are. Shit.

What do you think Paul and Storm?

So, it's vaguely good news that Disney bought LucasFilm and have taken away the direct responsibility for doing any more damage away from George himself. Now we may be spared the scene where we see Vaders sweaty cock rash.

But the problem is while before everyone was fearful Lucas would anally penetrate the series a bit further with more films now we know Disney will, and frequently. Disney like making money above all else, they're a corporation, that's as it maybe should be, so Star Wars (and maybe Indianna Jones, Lucas only shafted that with the 1 dreadful film though, less to come back from) will now be sold everywhere and on everything. But I can live with that.

The concern is the new films will be made to be marketable, sci-fi is rarely marketable. It'll be full of safe Disney stars that kids will pay money to see regardless of the quality of the film. I can easily see such people as Miley Cirus (sp?) and Zac Efron being in what is essentially a rom-com set in space.

It maybe ok, Disney owns Marvel and some of the avengers films were ok, particularly the Avengers itself. But regardless, I wont be watching episode 7, not on DVD or cinema or anything. I've still got the silver DVD boxset of eps 4-6, that's all the franchise ever needed. Now I think about it, it better not be fucking reboot...

Efron as a 'cool' Skywalker who breaks into song regularly? Cyrus as Leia who's also a cheerleader? Some fucking Jonas brother as Han? And no Leia, Luke kiss, as the family thing is why Disney declined back to the future!

I always preferred Star Trek anyway.

Star Wars cash in

The first three Star Wars films are excellent, there's no getting round that in my eyes, they rank as one of the best film trilogies ever made and at the time they came with the appropriate levels of merchandise for the kiddies to want to buy (and if they kept hold of in good condition put on eBay for the ubergeeks to pay good money for now), I've no problem with that at all.

My problem is with the continual whoring out of everything Star Wars related to buy George Lucas another golden nob stroker (or something similar). The man, or indeed his marketing department, never seem to miss an opportunity to make just a little for cash from the franchise. Did we really need 3 sub-standard more films 16 years after the original trilogy reached it's natural conclusion? No. Did we need VHS box sets all slightly different to the previous, followed by DVD box sets, once again several versions slightly differing from the last? No. Thank the lord there's only been the 1 Blu-Ray version... SO FAR, there'll be more, there'll be an added scenes version and a 3D version and a 3D version with added scenes and the version with the out take included that has Carrie Fisher farting as she runs down a corridor...

There's the 3D cinema reissues, I'll pass on them thanks George, you do know a piece of shit... in 3D is still a piece of shit, it's just in 3D... Maybe when you get to episodes 4-6 I may, but until then, F.R.O.

Some of the things that have been done to these films is horrible, I'm not just talking about the "Noooooo" added to Jedi to match the piece of shit trilogy. What about in Star Wars when Han meets Jaba in Mos Eisley, it was cut, and then due to the future design of the Hutt character the scene no longer worked, so why wedge it in with awful effects. For those who don't know Han walks round Jaba, who at the time didn't have a tail, but when added back in, he would have, so Han steps on it and he yelps weirdly. No, stop it.

That brings me to the current Vodaphone adverts. Now previously C3P0 and R2D2 where used as bitches in some electric shop advertising campaign. Not happy, I think it was Comet or Currys. That was rough and the feedback I assume as negative, so why the fuck is Yoda, grandmaster motherfunking Yoda getting bitched out to promote Vodaphone services? The line has been crossed, the line is a dot to Lucas (or appropriate person who ok'd it). They won't rest til Mark Hamill is selling tampons on the back on London buses, Chedwbacca is doing pet shampoo and Wedge is selling his own brand potato wedges.

But he won't stop, he'll never stop it, what happens when the income dies down from these re-issues and the cartoon finishes? Does he re-issue again, probably. Does he make episodes 7-9? I really wouldn't be shocked. Does he rent some other CG cast member out to sell anything as long as the company are willing to pay? Inevitably.

The only time I'll accept this is if JaJa fucking Binks is used to sell rifle scopes, I'll be first in the queue for a go at that bitch.

I Am Alive

Many many issues ago GamesTM, a respected games magazine wrote about a game called I Am Alive. Supposedly a big upcoming release, they devoted pages to it, screenshots, interviews, praise, much time was spent and hope was placed on the game. I read it, I looked at the pretty pictures, I liked the idea and I thought, 'Oh yes, it will be mine'

Then it vanished, seemingly cut, gamesTM pick another winner!

Some time later I read something online that vaguely mentions the existence of the game, so hope starts all over again, it turns out that the project had changed development companies and had trimmed itself down to be an XBLA/PSN game, so as a result would at least be cheaper, but with obviously less content.

So this got me thinking, is it worth it? What of the content has been forever lost, what else will suffer? Graphics? I'll chances are now cost a £10 (1200msp?) so it still may be worth a punt but I'm not convinced. Saints Row The Third is very enjoyable at the moment and it wouldn't really manage to get ahead of that anyway.

The game itself seems quite interesting (explaining why I was interested) in that you wander round a smashed up city trying to stay alive and help others. It'd be nice to play a game where you haven't got to shoot EVERYONE for a change.

There are a few big/interesting releases due soon though, FIFA street plays really well in the demo, I like it and that's out next Friday I think. Mass Effect 3 (which I have 0 interest in I'll be honest, so that one is just big) is out this Friday. Silent Hill HD collection is out on the 20th in North America but not quite sure over here, plus Downpour is due soon after. Plus there's always the kinect lightsaber game... I hope that's not awful I really do. Something deep inside is telling me it's going to be more Star Wars milking shit that dirties the good name of the series further so George Lucas can have an another solid gold toilet seat. Just wait til I start about re-releasing the films in 3D - JUST WAIT.

I don't know, I'll watch some gameplay videos and stuff now and make my mind up based on that. If Downpour is as poor as Homecoming I'd rather rent it anyway. Lovefilm, you are awesome!

Oh yeah my XBOX Live Gold is up soon, and not having a previously classic but now tired film series to exploit, I need a cheap place to get a sub, anyone know anywhere? Let me know!

Kinect - now I finally have one

It took 8 months and a price decrease in excess of 50% (well for what I paid anyway, they still full price shiny new and in a box) but I relented and purchased myself a lovely motion sensor-tastic Kinect for me XBOX.

Gamestation did me a deal on a PSU'd up one for around £60, bargain and I was away. Set up did require a reshuffle of my 2nd living room, but I've set myself up with plenty of room now and usually, after some framing issues it seems to be all ok.

As I've said before I had concerns, not with the technology, it's a clever little thing and does it's job for the most part well. I of course got Kinect Adventures for nada which is enjoyable enough, but not exactly awe inspiring, bringing me back to an initial concern that it could get strangled by shovelware, and looking at the carnival games, biggest loser, cloned sports games etc games that have already shown up, it is creeping up, so I had a go an Kinect Adventures, which is a reasonable tutorial on how to use the gadget, not exactly engaging gamewise though.

So I popped in my vehicle and slid my arse down to blockbuster to acquire more software.

Firstly, one of the biggest draws to Kinect was Yoostar 2. Yes shallow, but lets face it, my pretty little face(!) combined with my outgoing nature and acting skills are never ever going to get me on TV. So this is as close as I'm ever gonna get. I'll be honest, I felt a little self concious, even in an empty room, acting out these scenes, but it was fun, and it's gone on the 'to buy' list. I also think I did a fooking awesome Ben Stiller monologue from the end of Meet the Parents... Sure. I got one question for you. It's can you deal with that!?! Class!

I also got myself a bit of Kinect Sports which is bordering on shovelware, but at times I really enjoyed. The track and field in particular was fun, and quite energetic! The football aspect is pretty dreadful, and doesn't know when I'm kicking the thing much of the time.

I do want an exercise game for it as I'm starting to get properly fat again, when I should be losing!! I am told that Your Shape is the best and EA is a bit pants. So I'll pick that up in the next few days maybe! Or the The other games return to their blockbuster home Friday.

In general use, it was quickly intuitive moving menus and the 'minority report' style moving stuff around menus is good. Voice commands are responsive and accurate, and considering my accent makes me sound like a backwards camp sheep loving villager, but Kinect is down with that. XBOX... Dashboard indeed. 

In general I'm happy with my knockdown purchase, but still feel it needs more, I'm sure more will come, maybe in Star Wars Kinect. I don't think it will ever replace traditional controller, nor would I want it too, standing up to play every game doesn't sound appealing, plus the feeling of a controller is one I like, the feedback and vibration from something physical would suit many games better than air shooting etc.

It also takes photos of you in game, that means no more naked gaming, could you imagine if I accidentally published a pic of me doing javelin with my wang out, doesn't bear thinking about. But then again, unless it's on zoom, would anyone notice....

May the 4th be with you

That's right everybody, it's Star Wars day!

This time as well for some added pointlessness there's been some kind of countdown to the day on starwars.com, indicating some new announcement. Please God don't be any more films.

But does Star Wars deserve this kind of attention? For a start I'm a fan of the first 3 films, and by first I mean initial, parts 4, 5 and 6. All except 6 are older than I am, but there is still something about them that makes them classic films, if I had to choose I'm more of a trek than a wars fan, but you can't deny the quality here.

Then there's the prequals... why? Apart from the last half hour or so of the third an absolute waste of time. I mean honestly, what the fuck is jaja binks? (or however you spell it).

I do feel over the years the franchise has been pushed to absolute breaking point, the new films were blatant cashing in on popularity, and as a money making exercise they worked. The original films have been reworked and changed and remastered and god knows what so many times, banged in a box and released it just leaves a bitter taste on times. Yes, that includes the Family Guy efforts.

And now this announcement today, if there is one, what is it? Remake? More films? I hope not!More cartoons, more likely. Some crap remastered new boxset, seems most possible. Either way can't see me buying it. But it probably will be what ever Lucas thinks he can make the most money out of at the moment.

I just hope (a new hope, get it??) he starts seeing it as a body of work not a cash point. Although I don't begrudge Mark Hamill the cash as he never really worked again did he. Poor bloke, especially when you think Harrison Ford did so well.

Sequels

Having a scan through wikipedia this morning, as you do, and I came across the distressing news that the sequel to the masterpiece "Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog" has all but been cancelled! It's officially been put to the back burner while Joss Whedon works on the 2012 Avengers 3D film. Avengers?? Seriously?? I know what I'd rather he makes, but money talks I suppose even for geeks like Joss. I've always thought the vast majority of marvel/dc/general superhero films have been pants and this wont be any different, and unless Fillion/Day/Harris are going to Dennis Waterman the theme tune, I'm just not interested.

Usually I'm dead against sequels/remakes/reissues etc, they have their place and on occasion can be great (Back to the Future, Aliens) but so much of the time are rushed cheap pieces of cash in crap (Starship Troopers 2, The Ring 2, Caddyshack 2, Scary Movie anything). The only thing worse is hopeless cash ins on the same material, this brings me to one of the biggest culprits and the person who made think up all this rubbish, George "I love jar jar" Lucas.

Now the reason I didn't mention Star Wars in either of the above lists is simple, it's both! The 'first' 3 films amazing, the 'second' lot of shit was an insult to my eyes (apart from the last hour of episode 3). The news broke yesterday that he must need some new UPVC windows put in on Skywalker (seriously get over it) ranch so guess what's coming out again... Star Wars, all the way from 1-6 starting with the crap and fighting it's way through to the good, only this time...wait for it... I'm building up pointless tension as everyone has no doubt already read it... in 3D. Ever wanted to really get a good look at Mark Hamills scarring? Ever wanted to get so close to Wedge you'd be the one telling him to cut the chatter? Ever wanted to get so close to Binks you it feels like you could destroy him? No? Me neither. Well maybe the last one. It's another hopeless cash in and I don't like it!

Over the years I've bought the Videos, the widescreen videos, the special anniversary edition remastered DVDs, I've paid money to watch in the cinema (eps 1-3, how old do you think I am??). Now good old George wants me to pay the cinema cash plus 3D supplement again, then no doubt buy the special edition DVDs. The only 3D Star Wars I ever want to see is the 3 minute segment from the Family Guy episode, and I already have that on DVD too! FFS.

It's not just him, only a few weeks ago a friend emailed me to ask if I wanted to go see Avatar that night in the cinema. Now I saw Avatar when it was in first, yes Pocahontas in space it was, but it was a damn good Pocahontas in space, and the 3D element really helped it along, overall well done, enjoyed it. But this was the special edition, sit through all 2+ hours again, but this time with about 9 mins of extra CG shagging added. Ummm no thanks. A perfect example of cashing in.

Tomorrow Back to the Future is out in cinemas again. Back to the firigging Future FFS,  a remastered special anniversary edition too. Will the slightly tarted up graphics help the film, did the film even need any help, it's a work of art, a masterpiece. Will I go see it... yeah probably.... Well it's only it's first reissue, and I don't have them all on DVD...

God I'm such a hypocrite on times.