Three mobile

Three mobile, you are crap it has to be said. Presumably named 3 as that's the percentage of the time you have good signal.My previous dealings with them, particularly trying to cancel my mobile broadband have been documented:

http://andrewdrisc.blogspot.com/2012/02/three-mobile-you-just-made-list.html

Anyway I while back I went with three as I liked the 'all you can eat data' idea for my mobile, doing as much shit as you want seemingly a perfect fit for smart phones, and they (well not they, phones4u who were cracking in this instance!) supplied me with a nice iPhone4. All the normal checks were done and I was informed the signal was good in my area.

For the first 2 maybe 3 months it was, but then particularly at home, it started to get worse, much worse until the most common words on my phone screen were 'No Service' or 'Searching...'. Shit. After a few weeks of this I decided to complain, went to their website and sent an email, after first receiving a standard reply, they did get back to me, in the middle of working hours, so I quickly explained the situation, they said the signal was fine, I disagreed, they said they'd get an engineer to ring me back. Good stuff I thought and asked them to ring me after 6 due to work.

For the next 4 days I received calls at 3pm on the dot, which I of course was unwilling and unable to take. Eventually the first woman I spoke to called me back to see if anything was resolved I said no and that's the last I heard about it.

Months later, I'm still getting shit signal most of the time (it's generally ok in Cardiff), their twitter team confirmed they're doing nothing about the signal in my area, it's highly unlikely I'll be able to finish the contract early without paying through the nose. Their entirely outsourced call centres have no grasp of what I'm saying most of the time. They're a bad bad company and I can't wait to be rid of them. Motherfuckers. Unfortunately that's still some time away, but I would warn anyone away from using three for anything.

Imagine what it's going to be like to cancel, I'm already dreading that call and it's over 12 months away. I'll have a non-uk call centre worker offering me his first born child, an iPhone7, ten grand in cash and a hamster to stay with them, unable to grasp that the phone wont work without signal.

In fact this blog would have been done and out this morning, but do you know why it wasn't? Using my phone as a hotspot and... CRAP SIGNAL. 30 mins and nothing then a little dot. Motherfuckers!

It's easy to offer something like unlimited data when you know people are going to struggle to use much. Take me to an Orange shop someone please!

Three mobile you just made the list

Dear readers, I've noticed from my stats page over the times that my most popular blogs tend to be about getting married, or some dickhead company I've had the misfortune of dealing with.

My yodel blog still gets hits every day and my cash generator one was a big hit by my lowly standards.

In that case this one should be a fucking record breaking entry.

I have 2 items with Three, my mobile 'phone and my mobile broadband. I've come to the conclusion over time that having both is somewhat excessive and I plan to cut stuff down. So I decided mobile broadband, you gotta go.

I don't know why I was expecting this to be easy in any way, but I did, so off I went. I call type in my mobile bb number, press 1, then 2 then 2 then 3 then 2 then 1 then 5 then 4, OK an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. I then wait patiently, being regularly assured my call was very important to them, whoever they actually are, while listening to popular modern numbers such as, 'Moves Like Jagger' and other pap I don't know the name of.

 Eventually I get through to an Asian (I'm guessing Indian) lady, start getting through the call, including giving the number I've already typed in, and then I say those words, "I'm looking to cancel my mobile broadband.".  Next thing the phone is dead, I do that weird, repeating hello down the line like that'll resurrect the connection or something, thing that people do, but no, the Three rep has hung up.

I'm now pissed off.

I ring back up, another 42 button presses, a telephone number entry and I'm back on hold. This time it's about 12 minutes and I'm through to a cheery chap. I know what to expect at this point, I'll try to cancel, assuming he doesn't hang up, he'll offer me something to keep the business, I'll say no. Job done.

He starts into the sales thing, he offers me discount, better service(!), a free netbook, I say no, just cancel please, which he finds funny and starts pissing himself down the phone, I ask to speak to a manager, I'm told there isn't one, then she's on another call, I go whatever... cancel. He carries on the sales work for longer, I reiterate the cancellation request any number of times, until he tries one too far and I demand the manager.

After one hell of a wait (phone call getting expensive anyone?) I get his manager... a man... no idea what happened to the woman on the other call. At a guess either a freak headset accident or I'd say she never actually existed. The manager gives the very standard complaints type start, I know it as I've probably done it before in my time, lots of pretended empathy, completely transparent of course, but bravo for the effort squire. Then he goes into the same sales spiel as the first guy did, only offering me more stuff.

I reiterate my desire to cancel and cancel only, saying I no longer want the service (if I could get rid of my phone with them I would too) he carries on, mentioning, free netbooks (again), iPads, discounts, offering me cash at one point to stay with them. After 15 minutes of explaining, the signal is crap and I don't want it any more, him offering more, engineers to call me, signal boosters etc, I'm feeling physically tired just from speaking to these numptys but he's appeared to have agreed to just cancel it. That's when he confirms, what he's going to do, to give three the chance to give me better service, he'll put the discount through and if I want to cancel in future I could and that was my choice.

At this point I wanted to just fly to Mumbai/Bangalore or wherever he was and slap him firmly over the head with something heavy. I repeat again, in the simplest terms I can. C.. A.. N.. C.. E.. L.. and he agrees, as long as I'm sure and after 35 mins on the phone I'm back to the first guy who explains the cancellation situation. He does so and it's exactly what I was expecting. Then he has one more go.

Un-fucking-believable.

He offers me more data for the same money.. I've never used my current amount, but he offers me 15Gb instead of 5. I'm rude at this point, I explain the heavy handed sales techniques or him and his 'manager' (just as likely to be the dude sat opposite him) use are crap, obstructive and I didn't appreciate the time I've been kept on the call. He apologises once again and offers me £5 as a goodwill gesture. £5... I say ok but I will be complaining further.

Oh and believe me I will.

45 minutes to do what should really take about 5. Cretins everyone of them.

I'm expecting a call off them tomorrow to try and change my mind or something, I'll just fart down the line and hang up.