Based on the novel by...

Yesterday I headed to my local Vue cinema, handed over the increasingly hurtful amount of cash to purchase 2 tickets to see 'The Woman in Black', the movie based on the novel of the same name by Susan Hill, a novel I had only completed the previous day, had thoroughly enjoyed and so was really looking forward to the film.

First up the film, yes I enjoyed it! It's not the greatest film, or indeed the greatest horror I've ever seen, but it carried suspense well, most of the acting was good, especially Radcliffe, and I'd go as far as to say it was a good film. I've sat through, and indeed made the wife sit through, much worse films. To be honest if it was called something else I probably would have enjoyed it a hell of a lot more, but that's best explained in a couple of paragraphs time.

Worth seeing? Definitely! Seek out your local multiplex and go for it! The 12A rating on one hand seemed generous, as it was jumpy, and to someone not as used to these things as myself could have been scary, especially for a 12 year old!

Now here's the bug bare, the only thing about the whole experience that p'd me off...

The adverts said, "Based on the novel by Susan Hill', the title is obviously the same, the titles agreed with the advert on the origin of the story. But after that... I'm not sure what happened. I think the screenwriter (Jane Goldman, or indeed Mrs Jonathan Ross) has done good (co) adaptations in the past with Kick Ass springing to mind in particular. But this time, I'm not sure if she even read the book, to be honest for all the similarities between the book and the film she may as well have lifted the list of characters and the first couple of sentences of the synopsis from wikipedia, it was barely recognisable. Let's have some examples, oh and SPOILER ALERT:

Kipps is widowed with a kid vs he's not married, no kids... yet
The whole Kipps character was changed from a promising up and comer, to a about to get sacked failure (following the widowing I assume) making him a less effective lead.
Where was the funeral, and the reason for introducing the title character?
What's with the kids mass deaths? Why would everyone stay??
The whole 'let's fix everything - ghostbusters' section... no that didn't work.
The endings were very (partially forced by the first point) different, I liked both, but the books was far more effective at getting a reaction from me.
The friendly village where he enjoyed his times was turned into a shithole full of superstitious wankers.

Some bits were kept and the film benefited, e.g. the running outside after the noise and seeing the woman in the window, possibly the iconic scene from the book and seeing the woman in the window. The characterisation of the woman was spot on, although I wasn't expecting almost hand to hand combat... hmmm.

This made me think of other books and the films based on them, bad experiences came to mind, e.g. John Hammond not having a awesome death scene in Jurassic Park so he could be in the (rather good) sequel. Tom Bombadill and the songs (both thankfully) missing from the LOTR films. I Am Legend dropping vampires from the film and murdering the ending (as a result the title not making sense). The examples are endless and listing them is getting tedious already.

There are some good efforts, but as a rule of thumb, books and films don't get on. So why go through the trouble of associating the two, past a bit of publicity... I can't see it. Most of the above films are cracking and   among my favourites (Not I Am Legend) so do they need it?

Three mobile you just made the list

Dear readers, I've noticed from my stats page over the times that my most popular blogs tend to be about getting married, or some dickhead company I've had the misfortune of dealing with.

My yodel blog still gets hits every day and my cash generator one was a big hit by my lowly standards.

In that case this one should be a fucking record breaking entry.

I have 2 items with Three, my mobile 'phone and my mobile broadband. I've come to the conclusion over time that having both is somewhat excessive and I plan to cut stuff down. So I decided mobile broadband, you gotta go.

I don't know why I was expecting this to be easy in any way, but I did, so off I went. I call type in my mobile bb number, press 1, then 2 then 2 then 3 then 2 then 1 then 5 then 4, OK an exaggeration, but you know what I mean. I then wait patiently, being regularly assured my call was very important to them, whoever they actually are, while listening to popular modern numbers such as, 'Moves Like Jagger' and other pap I don't know the name of.

 Eventually I get through to an Asian (I'm guessing Indian) lady, start getting through the call, including giving the number I've already typed in, and then I say those words, "I'm looking to cancel my mobile broadband.".  Next thing the phone is dead, I do that weird, repeating hello down the line like that'll resurrect the connection or something, thing that people do, but no, the Three rep has hung up.

I'm now pissed off.

I ring back up, another 42 button presses, a telephone number entry and I'm back on hold. This time it's about 12 minutes and I'm through to a cheery chap. I know what to expect at this point, I'll try to cancel, assuming he doesn't hang up, he'll offer me something to keep the business, I'll say no. Job done.

He starts into the sales thing, he offers me discount, better service(!), a free netbook, I say no, just cancel please, which he finds funny and starts pissing himself down the phone, I ask to speak to a manager, I'm told there isn't one, then she's on another call, I go whatever... cancel. He carries on the sales work for longer, I reiterate the cancellation request any number of times, until he tries one too far and I demand the manager.

After one hell of a wait (phone call getting expensive anyone?) I get his manager... a man... no idea what happened to the woman on the other call. At a guess either a freak headset accident or I'd say she never actually existed. The manager gives the very standard complaints type start, I know it as I've probably done it before in my time, lots of pretended empathy, completely transparent of course, but bravo for the effort squire. Then he goes into the same sales spiel as the first guy did, only offering me more stuff.

I reiterate my desire to cancel and cancel only, saying I no longer want the service (if I could get rid of my phone with them I would too) he carries on, mentioning, free netbooks (again), iPads, discounts, offering me cash at one point to stay with them. After 15 minutes of explaining, the signal is crap and I don't want it any more, him offering more, engineers to call me, signal boosters etc, I'm feeling physically tired just from speaking to these numptys but he's appeared to have agreed to just cancel it. That's when he confirms, what he's going to do, to give three the chance to give me better service, he'll put the discount through and if I want to cancel in future I could and that was my choice.

At this point I wanted to just fly to Mumbai/Bangalore or wherever he was and slap him firmly over the head with something heavy. I repeat again, in the simplest terms I can. C.. A.. N.. C.. E.. L.. and he agrees, as long as I'm sure and after 35 mins on the phone I'm back to the first guy who explains the cancellation situation. He does so and it's exactly what I was expecting. Then he has one more go.

Un-fucking-believable.

He offers me more data for the same money.. I've never used my current amount, but he offers me 15Gb instead of 5. I'm rude at this point, I explain the heavy handed sales techniques or him and his 'manager' (just as likely to be the dude sat opposite him) use are crap, obstructive and I didn't appreciate the time I've been kept on the call. He apologises once again and offers me £5 as a goodwill gesture. £5... I say ok but I will be complaining further.

Oh and believe me I will.

45 minutes to do what should really take about 5. Cretins everyone of them.

I'm expecting a call off them tomorrow to try and change my mind or something, I'll just fart down the line and hang up.